I am new to this website so not sure how to use :-( Widowed for 1 1/2 years after 40 years of marriage. Looking for relief from the loneliness!!

Views: 147

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Dear Jade, so sorry to hear of your loss.  My beloved husband died two years ago, after more than three decades together, so I feel like I know something about the loneliness -- although, in my case,since the bereavement I partly want to be alone, which is kind of confusing, being lonely yet wanting to withdraw from contact.  I do think that helping others, when one is ready emotionally for that, can dispel loneliness to some extent.  Have also found that reading some of the posts here is comforting in terms of seeing that our feelings and experiences of grief are not manifestations of madness, that other people feel the same things.  Hope you are finding some consolation as time goes by.

M Adams,

I understand the wanting to be alone; it's much the same for me. I believe it's because the one person I truly want to be with, my beloved husband, is not here. If I can't be with him, I don't want to be with anyone.

When he died, and for at least 6 months afterwards, I couldn't stand to have anyone other than my sister touch me at all. I don't know why her...she and I are very close, but I'm close to our parents too. Maybe because she also knows him well, I'm not sure. I still hate for anyone to touch me, even my parents, but I can tolerate it for a few seconds.

___________________________________________________________

Jade,

I hope you are able to find some peace. I cannot offer any, as I haven't found any, but I hope you can.

Hello.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Dear Jade,

I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who are suffering here.  Sharing our feelings here with our fellow sufferers helps us feel like we're not alone with our thoughts, grief, and of course, our loneliness.  It's not only sharing however we're feeling at the moment,  without being judged, but also trying to comfort one another if we can in some way.  Also, if someone hints at harming themselves, you will see responses from others trying to dissuade them from it.  My family, children and grandchildren are my only comfort, but a visit or a call twice a week doesn't provide relief from the main source of my being lonely.  I have a couple friends who know that while being supportive, can't provide me with any relief from my loss.  Nothing can relieve my loneliness because my source is losing my Love.  We were together since we were both 16.  Over 51 years, and we were each other's life.  I accept that, and in a way, am resigned to not have it any other way, for my goal is the hope of reuniting with my Love someday.  In the beginning, I tried counseling, bereavement groups, and found that I'm not looking to "recover and move on with life".  I died when She died, and all I can do is continue my relationship with her even though She can't be physically here with me.  My only hope is that when our creator decides it's time for me to physically pass on, it is then that we will have a spiritual relationship and both be eternally, blissfully, reunited as One in Her realm as we were here in this realm.  These are my feelings and beliefs, and many of those who post here identify with my posts as I do theirs.  It doesn't provide any relief per say, but gives us an outlet to express ourselves and know we're not alone in our feelings.  They list over 300 members on this group but you can see the number of posters aren't that many.  Writing and trying to comfort one another does provide a sense of relief up to a point, but we all know that it can't eradicate our grief and loneliness. 

Have you tried counseling or any type of therapy in a group?  Perhaps you may find some relief trying one or both.  If you have been that route, and like myself, found it wasn't what I'm looking for, try to post your thoughts, beliefs and feelings here on the comment wall.  No one will judge you in any way no matter what you post, and like my posting here, hope that in some way to be of any kind of help or support. 

I'm a little hesitant to suggest the following because I don't know your feelings other than you are lonely after 40 years of marriage, widowed for now over 2 years, and looking for relief from being lonely.  But I will just so you know of it and hope this doesn't offend you.  There are social widow and widower groups in many cities and towns.  Only you can decide if that may provide a relief from your loneliness.  If I am off base here, and I might be, please forgive me for mentioning it. 

I'm sorry for your suffering Jade,

Joe

     

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am finding it so hard to keep motivated.  I have tons I need to do to keep afloat and try to honor the legacy of my husband and yet all I seem able to do is push myself, force myself.......constantly. Its the putting on the mask and…"
5 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm now having sleeping problems lately.  Go figure.  I sent you a message Monty. Comforting to see all the posting here.  But, scary to see all the 5,6,7 years since....  God have mercy."
20 hours ago
Profile IconMichelle and Amanda joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
20 hours ago
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"When your ‘life force’ is taken away from you there is no will to go on.  It will be 5 years for me soon and many people think my grief has subsided as I seem to be functioning better, but as I said earlier we just become more adept…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on M Adams's blog post Who copes best with loss? Men or women?
"do not no wen dad died i loss my way for long tim u cud  say i did im f i am'thn loss folerd evn my cat i had for 16 yrs in 2016 wish she got me thru few dark tims she did  thn i gon to spirtaslt churchh  fond upliftmtn i di did…"
yesterday
Billy Jo Colt commented on M Adams's blog post Bad behaviour
"Thank you for such a wonderful, in depth and reflective post. It sounds like your Mom really had the devotion and love she richly deserved from you. As you said. The Doctors could have done a lot more. It was if they didn't want involved unless…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friend's, Big Deal, It's St. Patrick's Day. All is does to me is relieve my Husband's death. In 2013 he passed away 2 months after St. Patrick's Day. We did go out to dinner together put he was in so much pain we had…"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello friends, I’m so grateful to read your honesty about this hell on earth, this unbearable grief that we have (almost) no choice but to bear. I’m sorry I don’t contribute more often. When I think of something to write, in my…"
Sunday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Have been reading comments from the past few days.   Yes, grief is lonely.   I'm so thankful for this group.  Like Joe says, it's really difficult not having our better half here physically, just to appreciate…"
Sunday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, Yes, we all pretty much have found that grief is not a bump on the head.  It is a ripping apart of a quantum soul.  For me it has become an all encompassing desire to plead with the universe to take me.  I do it as I have now…"
Sunday
Melissa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, Same as you if I am not posting anymore God has finally taken me. It will be a joyous day."
Saturday
M Adams left a comment for Sue Toler
"So sorry you’re going through such a grievous loss — my mother died recently as well, we were very close and I had been there helping her because she was having increasingly complex health problems over the last five years, so I feel…"
Friday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That you all for your kind compassion.  Just plain hell today as usual.  Tears at times and don't know when or what will trigger them.  The only time I venture out is my daily visit to the cemetery (closest I can be to Her…"
Friday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, My heart ached for you when I read of your breakdown day.  We feel your intense pain and heartache.  Over time we become so adept at carrying our grief, stuffing it and hiding it.  Yet so many times we become so overwhelmed by…"
Friday
Sue Toler updated their profile
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, So sorry to hear about your day. My doctor was the same way with me when I had a breakdown, he could have cared less. Thank God for our friends here who truly understand."
Friday
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's video
Thumbnail

Be thou my vision - (with lyrics)

"dont no why but it  it so sothin relzinin i do"
Friday
dream moon JO B posted a video
Friday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, So sorry to hear that you are having an extraordinarily bad day... This is the life for us after we are left here in this world without the love of our life beside us."
Thursday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service