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Permalink Reply by Mariann Bamberger on November 21, 2011 at 10:41am

Stephanie,

I feel your loss in more ways than you know. My husband passed away four weeks ago yesterday. For me, there was no life insurance, and there is no way I will be able to afford the house and all the expenses. I'm also unemployed. I dread walking to the mailbox, knowing there's another bill I can't pay. This only add more stress to our grieving. I ask my husband "Why can't you be here for me? Why did you leave me with this mess?"  I also have put off so many things. I just can't force myself to do them, even though they are based on my survival.

College placement tests can wait. The colleges will always be around, and when you feel more settled you will be at your best. I did not push my boys to go straight into college, as our society and their counselors stressed. They needed to find themselves. One traveled (which in itself is an education) and now has a very different perspective of life and where his passion lies. He started on his Master's Degree in International Relations this fall. The youngest entered the National Guard, which he loves and is going to college part time. I will say that these are the paths they chose, which are totally  different than the college programs they planned on persuing directly out of high school.

I feel sick, alone, and very lost. HE did the finances. HE paid the bills. They were just "done." He was my sounding board, my sanity check, and was always there to listen and give advice, which is something I no longer have.

Please consider the fact that colleges will always be there. This should relieve some of your stress. It's okay that you don't go this year. It's okay that you feel stressed. We all do. The very best advice I received was from the police chaplin. She grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and said "THIS is your time to be selfish. You have no obligations to ANYONE. If you don't want to answer the phone, don't answer the phone. If you want to sit in that chair for two days, sit in that chair. If you feel the urge to scrub a bathtub, scrub away, even if it's already clean! You are not obligated to anyone. People will offer you all kinds of opinions and advice, but if they haven't walked in your shoes they have no idea how you feel. We are human beings, and none of us are alike." I hope this helps. ~Mariann

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