On December 23rd, we found out my Mom had 
stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Her chances of 
survival were very low. They did two chemo
treatments and her kidneys were unable to
handle anymore. She died on March 9th.
My Mom turned 49 three days before her 
death. She was an otherwise very healthy
woman. I am only 30 years old and my sister
is only 26. My Dad turned 51 in February. We
are, in my opinion, far too young to be going
through this. My parents were married for 30
years and they were best friends. My Dad has
said that Mom was not his better half, she was
his WHOLE. They truly were one unit and we
are a very close family. My Mom was my best
friend and as you can imagine this has been
beyond difficult. 

Yesterday, my Dad asked my sister and I to 
lunch and told us that he had signed up on
some dating websites. He's already had lunch
with someone and is planning a weekend trip
with her this Saturday and Sunday. I told my 
Dad I supported whatever decision he makes,
but I am just beside myself. It's only been 2-1/2
months since we buried my Mom. He says he's
lonely, but I still think its WAY too soon to be
"dating" people.

Anyone have a similar experience and some 
advice to share?

Tags: Father, dating, soon?, too

Views: 3212

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

He is freaking out, wanting to numb the pain, probably wanting things to be "normal" again.  I guess you'll have to humor him and hope for the best.  I feel for the women in his path and hope they have the compassion to figure out what's going on. I just tried dating websites after 9 months and had a disastrous experience.  I think I'd rather hang out at bars if given a choice.  At least you can see what's coming!

I am really sorry your best friend, your mom is gone!  So much sadness.  I cant imagine almost a year after my husband died that I will ever and I mean it ever want another man in my life in that way again.  But that is me.  Everyone has to travel this grief journey on their own.  I wonder if you dad was so well taken care of by your mom and two daughters that now he does not know how to take care of himself?  Does he know how to cook?  Has someone shown him how to do all the things he has never had to do for himself?  I miss being needed so much.  I miss cooking for my husband.  I miss doing his laundry.  Maybe your dad is missing having that done for him as much as he misses the companionship of a woman.  Just my thoughts.


He is entirely self sufficient and always has been. They had a partnership, 50/50. My Mom never waited on him hand and foot.

I know this all too well. My father passed, GOD rest his soul in 2005. My mother started dating 3 months after. One of her old boyfriends contacted her and it started from there. She did it not to be lonely. My parents were married for 32 years. I didn't agree with it and both guys wanted her for what she can do monetarily. I believe the last boyfriend she had stressed her to the point where she passed also. She passed 6 months ago. It's good that you are being supportive. I was too but deep down inside all I can remember is the many years she woke up and went to bed with my dad.

Hi Shauna, Everyone grieves in their own way, I  lost my husband of 29 years in January and although I thought of him as my soulmate and  was devastated by his sudden death, I too started looking at online dating sites. I think it is because the loss leaves you feeling so alone and you somehow think that void can be filled by someone else. I haven't dated anyone yet because I know it probably wouldn't work out . Your Dad is probably just trying to fill the void in his heart left by your Mom. Try not to be too hard on him. It doesn't mean he doesn't miss your Mom. Take care, Helen.

Hi,I understand how hard this must be for you. My mom died almost a year ago on June 9th.  She had been sick for 5 years and my dad was her main caregiver.  2 weeks after mom died my dad had a blind date and they immediately bonded and are getting married in September.  Your circumstances are different, as my parents are 10 years older than yours, and married for 40 years,  and my mom was ill for a long time.  However, I have felt that my dad just jumped right into a relationship, and didn't really grieve my mom.

He is so happy though.  he still talks about mom and his fiance is a widow herself, and just 2 years younger than he. She is financially set, so that isn't a worry.

The problem for me is that I am jealous that my mom isn't still here.  I like his new lady, but wish that it was my mom who was getting to go on the cruises and trips. She is great with the grandkids, but it should be my mom instead of her.

I have been outwardly supportive of my dads decisions, I feel like he should be enjoying life and If Mary makes him happy, then I am happy for him.  But I am sad that it's not my mom instead- but she is dead. 

It's so hard to be the better person and support your dad, but you don't want to lose him too.

I also think that we have more than one soulmate, and maybe my dad was lucky enough to find another one.  My advice to you is to be open minded and get to know any "lady friend" of his so you can screen her (!) and make sure she isn't out to take advantage of him.  In the long run, he deserves to be happy and truth be told, most people don't want to be alone. The way I am looking at it is I may gain a good friend with Mary and if nothing else, my dad is happy. It is really hard though cause I feel like my mom got shafted with her disease. Anyway, it's okay to be wary, but your dad probably just wants to enjoy the rest of his life, and our mom's aren't coming back. In my eyes it's better to support and be active, than to alienate and lose him too.  I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Marjorie


Latest Activity

Matthew updated their profile
20 hours ago
Matthew is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
22 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"evry now agan i still loss my way i do"
Sep 12
Kim Darichuk is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 11
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today we Remember 9/11. I can't even imagine the terror and heartbreak the families must still have. Losing my Husband Julian under normal circumstances was bad enough.  God Bless all the people that still suffer from this horrible…"
Sep 11
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan, Thanks so very much for your supportive letter. Sorry i didn't see it before. I replied to it just now, Sending you love and good wishes."
Sep 10
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you friends for sharing your thoughts. I don't know what I do, if I didn't have this place to come to. We are all suffering and the real world just doesn't understand what we are going through. I miss the tender touch of my…"
Sep 10
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have nothing that I want to or have to, to keep me busy except doing what I'm doing which has to have something to do with Her.  Like yesterday, I found a small  3/4 X 2 1/2 inch bottle with a cork when I went to the dollar store…"
Sep 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me. Joe,  So true.  That's exactly why I post here too.  I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone.  That consoles…"
Sep 9
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello All, I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each…"
Sep 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all.  Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way,…"
Sep 9
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Once again I want to Thank You for sharing you thoughts with us. You put into words the things I don't know how to express."
Sep 9
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't mean to be a downer, but I am not sure there is an end to our grief. I know mine is still going strong. I wish the good things in my life were as consistent as this is. We have to keep moving though. Keep taking baby steps. Assay…"
Sep 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T,   I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
Sep 8
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All, Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world.  Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me…"
Sep 8
Profile IconBev R, Kelly Darnell and Wil McGregor joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, We are blessed to have this wonderful group to come to and share our grief."
Sep 8
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thinking of you John T.  I understand.  "
Sep 7
John T. replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"5 years since my wife died suddenly of heart failure right in front of me.  The time since that day has been just awful and when I reached this anniversary, I just couldn't believe it.  All I think about is all the years ahead without…"
Sep 7
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the death of my wife.  I spent the day unable to believe it has been 5 years but somewhat surprised at how well I handled the day.  Today I have kept having outbursts of crying and overwhelming memories…"
Sep 7

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service