Just curious ... it feels that I am being split in two with the pain and I cannot imagine what it will be like for me if this is my new "normal."

Tags: loss, pain

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honset anser i dont no im still hurtng bad over my dads death lst yr all i got told wz get ovr it hw can u get over lozing yore dad or any 1 

2 day is xmas day 2nd 1 wear my dad is not hear still cryng non stop i thrt 2013 wud be a betr yr but no coz no coz of mre deah infamly or frds or nboz 

sorry 4or yore loss i fogit 2 say 

sory if iv saed wong thngs

jo

There are no wrong things said when you are speaking from your heart.

My husband died 13 months ago.  The pain is still there, as bad as ever. I expect it always will be. I do not accept, for myself, the idea of a "new normal".  Nothing about this is normal, and never will be, for me.

I hope it does get better for you.

I am fairly new to this, lost the love of my life 26 days ago, but I agree nothing will every be normal again. 

I hope it gets better for all of us.

I lost both my parents in 2012 and as 2014 approaches will be the 2 year mark and my heart still hurts so bad.I feel as I am missing part of me and that my heart was literally taken out. People say it gets easier with time but I feel with time it gets worse. Stay strong!

me 2 i thng it get worse wot evr it says it gets easy hav never lost any 1 tina i cnt evn thng abot 2014 i cant 2012 2013 both hav bean bad 4 me my mum shes deprest im strtd 2 get deprest coz of my dads deat as well as well as othr deaths tht hs hapend thes lst 2 yrs or so

Death is not normal.

LIFE is normal

Death is an enemy that stings, enslaves, crushes, and destroys all those in its path.

Don't ever believe anyone who tells you that death is a tool of God. It is NOT.

This is the reason why it is soooo hard, if not impossible to heal from the effects. The best we can do is gather strength to move forward one day at a time. Gain comfort to salve (not cure) the pain. And HOPE in things to come to stay on a forward moving path.

With all due respect, I must say that I don't agree.  Much as I hate death, it is a normal part of life, of existence.  All living things die, that's not so much the part I hate.

What I hate is the fact that we cannot KNOW, with absolute assurance, that our loved ones continue to exist in an afterlife.  We cannot KNOW that they continue to be themselves, that they will be happy & well, and that we will be together again.  Secondarily, I hate the fact that death often occurs much too soon (as it did with my husband).

I am agnostic, leaning towards atheist, and if there is a god I feel nothing but hatred and betrayal in connection with her/him.  In any case, when it occurs at the end of a long life, death is just part of the natural life cycle.  Of course, that doesn't make it any easier, especially when it occurs too soon.  Personally, I have no hope other than the hope that there is an afterlife where I will be with my husband again. Nothing else brings me hope or happiness, and I have zero desire to "stay on a forward moving path" -- my life ended when my husband's life ended, period.

Bluebird,

I appreciate very much your view. My statement about death not being normal is based on my belief that Man and Women were never supposed to die. That the original intent (yes I do believe in a creator) was that we live forever on the earth, in peaceful conditions with no sickness or suffering. In respect for your beliefs I will not quote scriptures, but I will say that religion teaches people things about God that are NOT in the Bible, and are very untrue.

I also believe that those who die are asleep with no awareness of their condition, but will wake up on a perfect earth and we will all be together. According to my belief you will be reunited with your husband and will be with him forever.

My belief is absolute to me. I believe that it is guaranteed to happen just that way.
This gives me great comfort and hope.

Also, please know that I totally respect your views. Please don't view my comments as an attempt to preach because that is NOT what I am doing. I am simply sharing my view.

I hope you can find some comfort. I certainly do care very much.

Dennis,

I don't take what you say as preaching; I know you are trying to comfort, not convert, so I take no offense.  :)

However, I cannot agree with your view, although of course I respect your right to hold it. I do not believe in the concept of "original sin", which I think is what you are referring to in your first paragraph above (please do correct me if I'm wrong, though). I also do not believe that the Bible is god's word; in my opinion, even if there is a god, much of what is in the bible was created by humans, and is very untrue (though it does also contain some good ideas, as well as some lovely poetry).  Just because they were humans in antiquity doesn't mean that they are any better than modern humans/religions, or any less likely to insert their own personal, political, and religious beliefs into the biblical text because it was useful/helpful to them to do so, and/or because it was useful/helpful to their kings or other leaders to do so.

I also do not agree that those who die are "asleep with no awareness of their condition", etc. It seems to me that you are saying you believe in the idea of the Rapture, am I correct? I do not believe in that concept.  I do, however, hope that you are correct that I will be reunited with my husband and will be with him forever. 

I do respect you very much.  In my experience it is rare to be able to hold a discussion such as this between a religious person and a non-religious person, without vitriol and hurt feelings, though I have been lucky enough to participate in some good discussions like this in the past.  I appreciate you and your ability to discuss and reason with respect, even though we hold quite different views on these very important subjects. I hope I am being equally respectful of you and your views; I know that is certainly my intent.

Namaste. :)

Bluebird

On the question of the rapture.

No I do not believe in a rapture.

I believe that when we die we simply fall asleep.

I also believe that we will stay like that...asleep, until the creator resurrects (brings back to life) all who have fallen asleep in death back to this earth. We will then be reunited with all of our loved ones, right here on earth. But a better earth. One without suffering, sickness, etc.

I know that sounds different, strange, and certainly not what religion teaches, but it is what I have come to understand from the Bible. And for me...it is extremely comforting and it gives me a firm hope for the future.

Truth be told, I have some very loved relatives who are devout atheists and I fully understand why they feel the way they do. I actually agree with many of the reasons that have moved them to believe the way they do.

I appreciate very much being able to discuss our differing views with dignity and respect.

THANK YOU.

Dennis

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