Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
My boyfriends dad died Dec 3rd. I spent that night with him and he was in complete shock. I left the next morning on loving and supporting terms. We then found out that I am pregnant (6 weeks) He then became a little distant, bit flaky and started to no show up when he said he would and one night didn't even turn up at all or call to say that he wasn't. The calls and messages have fast dried up to the point he will not even pick up at all. The funeral service is today (I haven't met his family and he didn't want me at he service) and when I sent a warm and loving best wishes on this difficult day message - I wasn't even expecting a response but then he removed his message profile picture ??? Has he left me and our baby? Do I need to considering progressing this pregnancy alone? I know he is in a world of pain right now and its so painful to be so distant from him right now. How do I support him and save myself also? Please - can anyone shed some light?
I don't really know what to say to you, but I don't want you to think no one read your post, or that no one cares. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I can tell you that grief hits everyone differently, and maybe your boyfriend just needs time. Personally, I think he is treating you badly -- even in his grief, he could at least tell you that he can't deal with anything else right now, that he needs some time alone.
I think that right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby, and if/when your boyfriend comes back into your life, you can deal with that then.
I hope it all works out ok.
Thank you Bluebird, I feel touched that someone replied. Life is just hell and I cant cope with this. Thank you for reaching out
If he is the father of your baby then he is not just going to walk out of your life because he wants to. He has equal share of responsibility. Do that for your baby...be it's advocate. The baby can't do that by it's self.
Just my 2 cents. I raised 3 kids alone, believe me you are going to need the financial help. And it would be nice if he wanted to be part of the baby's life too, but at least make sure you get child support.
Hi Kelly. I cannot find words of comfort for you at this point when it comes to your BF. He has left the picture and very harshly treated you. Do not concern yourself about supporting him. He has his own life to sort out. You have yours and now includes an innocent little miracle growing inside. The focus should be on YOUR life and how to make your way as a single mom. Getting paperwork into place for child support is important and you can do this without him. I hope he eventually comes around and wants to be an active father in your child's life. Save yourself first, seek prenatal care and be healthy as best you can. I highly recommend you go to a faith-based crisis pregnancy center and they can help you with the emotional, material and spiritual issues you are struggling with. God bless you.
I just read again what I wrote and I have to apologize for the coldness. I am sorry I did not catch the very important part of how you were suffering and the anguish you are experiencing. Rejection is always painful. I encourage you to not turn it towards yourself. In all fairness he is overloaded with a lot of stress at once. You can be understanding but I will stand by my first observation that you come first. Females want to fix and make better (I have heard) but there are lots of times when we have to stand back and give plenty of space to others. Try the best you can to make your life work for you and your precious child. You cannot help someone who seeks distance. Only they can decide if they want to come back into your life. I learned a long time ago it helps to be able to harden my heart in some situations, so I can keep going. We all need coping skills and I think we obtain those the hard way...by going through hard times. Well I was hoping to come back and give a softer reply to hopefully ease some of your pain, and that just did not happen. I hope you get some sliver of help from my posts. Take care.