Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I do not like to show people my emotions anymore ever since my husband committed suicide. I dont know if its because I was a walking zombie for months and that's all I did was cry and shout and show all sorts of emotions I just dont anymore in front of people.. but now I just see everyone so different. I have lost all hope in love true love and forgiveness and kindness people are selfish and ignorant assholes. I have cut every single person out of my life. I have no desire to talk to my family or my friends any longer I have no pleasure in anything anymore I'm not depressed I feel fine I'm just mad pissed I guess I just lost my way my faith.. I feel like I cant trust people. This is not me tho.. I've never been like this before. My husband passed January 30th 2017. I don't want to be angry and mad all the time but I dont know what's wrong with me or is it me is it just everyone else
It's not uncommon, what you're feeling. For me, I basically feel as though the only emotions I even have anymore are sadness and anger, and I never used to be that way before my husband died (I was always an optimistic and loving person, before). As you said, there is no pleasure in anything anymore.
I don't have the feeling of not being able to trust any people, but my guess is that comes from your husband having suicided. If my husband had done that, I think I would have lost my ability to trust, too. It makes sense, in that the person you love most broke your trust, in a way, so why would you believe that you could trust anyone else? You probably can, though, but that doesn't mean it's easy for you to get to the point of feeling that way.
Anyway, I don't know what else to say, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
This is my first time checking out the site and responding. I'm sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. I have a lot of anger right now since my loss in May. It's hard for me to cry in front of people but I've found that sometimes it happens whether I want it to or not. And it is a little easier than it used to be. I hope you allow some friends and family back in. They've helped me, especially the ones going through the loss with me. Talking to a grief counselor has also been beneficial.