Don't grieve alone; 12,500 members and growing
My mother died on October 7, 2016 at the age of 87. We were extraordinarily close for my entire life. I suppose there is a very juvenile part of me that assumed she would live forever, although I never really thought about it too much. I just sort of took her existence for granted.
My main problem is that I cannot wrap my head around the fact that she no longer exists. I will never see her or talk to her again. This is unbearable for me. I just cannot accept it, but I have no choice. I have pictures of her and my deceased father all over the house. I both love and hate looking at them.
Does anyone else feel similarly?
I feel the same. I refuse to accept my husband's death. That is, I know that he died, but I will not ever "be ok" with his death, or move past it in any way. I know a lot of people think that is unhealthy, and in some ways maybe it is, but that is irrelevant to me. My husband died over four years ago, and it still strikes me often that he has died, that he is not physically here with me. My life ended when my husband died. What I consider to be "real life" ended for me when my husband died. My current existence is merely a nightmare shadow I'm stuck in until I can die.
It's possible that at some point you may be able to continue with your life and find some happiness, and if you can do so then I think it would be a good idea if you do. Also, perhaps consider that there may be an afterlife, and if there is, then your mother may still exist there, and you may be reunited with her.
Bluebird, I feel like you do...I'm stuck in this miserable existence until I die. I don't really want to die, but I don't really want to live without my mother, either. She was everything to me. I don't know whether she herself knew the extent of my emotional dependence on her...although she did mention to both my sister and me that she was worried about what would happen to me when she dies.
I have little to no motivation to do anything at all, which is terrible. I want to return to my normal, happy life, but I fear that is impossible without my mother in my life. I have no family (except an estranged sister) and really no friends. My mom was my best friend. She was the only person with whom I could share my ups and downs and who actually cared. My life has fallen apart and has become a living hell. I probably have about 30 years left of my life, if not more. I don't know what on earth I am going to do with all that time.
Intellectually, I find it hard to believe in an afterlife. But, in my heart, I do feel as if there may be. I would love nothing more than to be reunited with my parents. I would give anything to see them again.
Hello Sharon, I've read your comment and for as long back as I can remember, my biggest fear has been my parents dying. I have always been afraid to talk about my fear with anyone, even my other siblings, because I felt that no one could understand the depth of my fear. It has always seemed like everyone else were more accepting of that eventuality than I could ever be. I, too, have a juvenile assumption that they would both live forever!! As I got older and realized that wasn't going to be the case, I then began hoping with everything in me, that I would die before they did so I could save myself what I'm sure is unbearable grief!! I can remember at one point telling my Dad about my hope of dying before they did, and he said isn't that extremely selfish of you? It took me a little while until I fully understood what he had said. If I died before they did I would be causing them the unbearable grief that I desperately wanted to avoid!! Although it doesn't provide you any relief, I was amazed to hear someone else shared the same feelings that I do. My Mom died in 2008 and I just knew that there was no way I would be able to carry on without her as I was completely devastated! Although I'm not sure how, but the days passed and the pain started to subside. You mentioned that you could no longer talk to her, but I talk to my Mom everyday. I look at one of the pictures I have of just her and I above my computer and it provides me some level of peace. I'm sure that the day will come when you'll be able to have the same conversations I do with your Mom. Please take care and God Bless.
Yes, I can relate to you and I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother died December 2, 2016, which was unexpected. We were very close. He went to hospital for simple procedure and complications. I am struggling with accepting and grieving his loss. I still cannot believe he is gone. He was such a huge part of my life. I believe in God and I suppose he is carrying me right now, because I don't feel conscious really...just going through the motions day by day. I am very close to my mom as well who is in her late 80's and, like you, would have a horrible time accepting her loss. They say that time heals and the pain lessens so I am just praying. My life will be forever changed and I hope more people share their experiences of struggling with loss of loved ones. You hang on and hopefully we can keep talking. God Bless You.
Thank you for the kind words. I am having as difficult a time now as I did the day she died. It is not getting better with time. Not to sound pathetic, but I have no family left and I really have no friends. So, I have absolutely no support system. I feel like I am going crazy.
Sharon, I feel as if I lost some of my family during this time that my brother died. There was a lot of discord which is making the entire process tremendously more difficult. Just tying to stay strong for mom and dad but not doing them much good in the state I'm in. I am just numb right now and just keep praying for God to continue walking me through this. I will keep you in my prayers too. Stay in touch
Family discord is very common after a death in the family. From what others have told me, the child who was closest to the parent(s) bears the greatest burden when it comes time to clean up and sell the house, settle financial matters, etc. In my case, I have one estranged sister. It is as if I am an only child. I am doing everything, and it is overwhelming.
Tell me, have you had any good days at all since your brother's death? Or have you had any times during the day when you feel okay and then you think about your brother and backslide into depression? This is what is happening to me.